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Published on September 10th, 2014 | by Flipside

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No change from Fringe as Edinburgh set for return of students

As Freshers’ Week begins, residents and business owners around Edinburgh have assured Flipside that they are ready for the return of university students following the festival season.

“We’re sad that the Fringe has finished for another year, but happy to see the return of students to the city,” said one takeaway owner.

“We’re definitely ready to welcome them.”

He claimed that, despite the departure of the Fringe acts, not much will change around Bristo Square.

“The posh English visitors who seem to dominate the Fringe will be replaced by the posh English students who seem to dominate the dance floor at Potterrow.”

“The hordes of drunken tourists staggering around Teviot in the early afternoon will be replaced by hordes of drunken exchange students doing the exact same thing.”

“Top acts may have stopped performing in George Square Theatre, but rest assured comedy can always be found there in the form of most university lectures.”

The only notable difference between August and September around the university is the price. Many have criticised the Fringe Festival for being far too expensive – with big-name acts charging up to £20 for tickets.

However, fee-paying students – who currently pay in the region of £150 per minute to attend university – will find such prices to be incredibly reasonable.

“My calculations may be wrong,” said fourth-year maths student David King, “but I’ve worked out that going to a Frank Skinner show is 75% cheaper than going to one of my lectures.”

“And I’d probably learn more from Frank Skinner.”

EUSA declined to comment as they were too busy gleefully counting their Festival takings, which, judging by the quality on offer in this year, are clearly not used to book half-decent Freshers’ Week acts.

 

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