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Local

Published on May 12th, 2017 | by Flipside

0

Meadows Barbecue smoke biggest cause of global warming

In a shock revelation, the University of Edinburgh’s Environmental Research Department has revealed that the smoke and fumes from university student’s BBQs on the Meadows over the past week have contributed more to global warming than Scotland’s entire 2016 industrial output.

Speaking to Flipside, professor Patrick Johnson said that “The emissions figures have been on the rise over the last few years. However, the last week has presented us with an unprecedented amount of sun that hasn’t been seen since Jess ‘VPSA’ Husbands’ blood sacrifice during the Winter Solstice. The amount of Carbon emissions from the last week in the Meadows area has exceeded Scotland’s entire output from 2016. We’re worried that if this level of sunshine continues we’ll be dead by the end of academic year. Of course, judging from the exam results of our students, that may well be their plan.

When asked for a response by Flipside, VPS Jenna Kelly restated EUSA’s commitment to the environment by stating that “As of next week, all disposable BBQs are banned from being used in EUSA venues until a more sustainable one can be found”.

When asked to contribute to this article by our Flipside reporter, a sheepish student sitting on the Meadows admitted that “Not all of the smoke is from Barbecues”.

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