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Politics

Published on April 18th, 2017 | by Flipside

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Recently Deceased Feeling Quietly Smug

Following Prime Minister Theresa May’s announcement to call a snap general election on 8 June, the British population have decided that the only true way to achieve stability and certainty in this country is through the sweet release of death.

Reporting from morgues across the country, the recently deceased expressed relief at finally escaping the relentless torture of democracy. ‘Four elections in thirteen months?’ corpse, Coeliac Fartenper, scoffed, ‘I’d take cancer any day.’

The deceased recommend this end-of-life approach to politics to disenfranchised Brits across the country, noting that the worst things they have to put up with now are worms, psychics and lonely goths. The House of Commons will vote on Wednesday to approve the general election plan – however the Prime Minister needs two thirds of MPs to vote in favour in order for the election to go ahead, by which time most of whom (all of Labour) are expected to have retreated safely back to the grave.

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