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Politics

Published on February 21st, 2014 | by Flipside

0

Nigel Farage expels his own legs from UKIP

Waist and buttocks to lose party whip after unguarded comments.

The UK Independence Party has been progressive shrinking during recent months, as one by one its members are expelled for rude comments about women, gays, other countries, or people who don’t own enough tweed jackets.  Having also disowned the party manifesto, UKIP last week consisted solely of Nigel Farage.  From today, however, the party comprises only his upper half.

The latest split began when Mr Farage’s buttocks made a loud and unguarded remark during a dinner party.  Mr Farage’s head quickly assured all present that the views of his buttocks were not those of himself or his party.  However, several guests commented that the buttocks’ comment had actually been more intelligent and insightful than anything Farage had said, well, ever. One guest invited Farage’s legs and bottom to give a keynote speech at a conference the following day, on the subject of opposing international co-operation.

Farage’s upper half also turned up at the conference, uninvited, and began telling the audience that the bottom half didn’t have permission to speak on behalf of the party; however the bottom half cut him off with a loud retort.  Farage’s head then angrily declared that his legs and bottom were expelled from the party, before trying and failing to leave the room.

Asked how the UK Independence Party would continue now that it had less than one person in it, Farage replied “this party isn’t about people, it’s about blaming Johnny Foreigner and making it up as I go along.”  Since the split, Farage has had to restrict his TV appearances to those where he is sitting behind a table.

Farage has denied reports that his arms also broke party discipline by making rude comments about Scotland in sign language.

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