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Politics

Published on March 17th, 2016 | by Flipside

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Osborne admits he always preferred sexual perversion to economics

Chancellor George Osborne has stated he wishes he didn’t have to bother with all this ‘boring economics’ as it gets in the way of his real hobbies. He explained,

‘It turns out this economics malarkey isn’t all cocaine and hookers, and can actually be really dull. So I find it difficult to get my rocks off doing it. Fortunately, I am also a horrible, sadistic bastard devoid of empathy and I regularly experience some form of sexual perversion by subjugating and humiliating those that weren’t afforded the same opportunities as I was.’

‘So essentially I use the budget these days as some form of aphrodisiac. I deliver it at Parliament then wait until evening time when I can watch a news bulletin about a family, who are about to be forced out on to the street by my cuts, inhale a load of amyl nitrate and then climax in a torrent of pleasure, and rage!’

‘After that I head to party headquarters, where the cocaine and champagne always flow. We also get some prostitutes in, I prefer them to a) foreign b) homeless or c) both and then do things that would make Patrick Bateman blush.’

Osborne finished by stating, ‘I am a cunt. Complete scum of the earth. I really am. But I don’t give a fuck”. and proceeded to snort something which looked distinctly like cocaine, off something which looked distinctly like a prostitute, right in front of our interviewer, who wasn’t even invited by Osborne to join in. What a right nob.

 

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