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Politics

Published on October 28th, 2015 | by Flipside

0

Osborne to avenge Tax Credits defeat by filling the Lords with really annoying people

Krankies, Jedward and Piers Morgan set to become Life Peers:

Following the defeat in the House of Lord of his plans to cut tax credits, George Osborne has announced that he will respond to this by packing the House of Lords with as many totally irritating people as he can think of.

“This is a logical and considered response to those doddery bastards stamping all over my plans,” said Osborne.  “See how they like having to listen to rambling speeches from Russell Brand for an hour every day.  That’ll show those interfering old codgers not to mess with me.”

Confident that it was the correct response to what he called a constitutional crisis, Mr Cameron today released a partial list of the people he and Osborne intend to see clad in ermine by the end of the year: 

 

The Go Compare Man
The Krankies
Jedward
Piers Morgan
Russell Brand
Orville the Duck
Kim Kardashian
Justin Bieber
A  medium to large pig farm
Brian the Confused.com Robot
Katie Hopkins
Katie Hopkins even more evil twin Kenneth who is a right bell end.
Mason Noise out of X Factor
All of the Big Brother contestants
Sir Alan Sugar….

“It was clear from yesterday’s debate that the House of Lords is far too civilised,’ observed Mr Cameron.  “Our democracy cannot function if people listen respectfully to what other people are saying.  The Lords have too much time on their hands, if they start noticing things like our stealthy poverty-creation schemes.  Well let’s see how good they are at picking holes in our plans when they’re spending half the day trying to get Katie Hopkins to shut up.”

Some suggested that the new appointments might themselves be unconstitutional, claiming that some of them are not British, and a few aren’t even human.”

“Yes well, people said the same about Norman Tebbit and Nigel Lawson,” said Cameron.  “Although they may have a point with Piers Morgan.”

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