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Politics

Published on March 4th, 2018 | by Flipside

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Palestinian Parliament commits to supporting a two EUSA president solution

The Palestinian Legislative Council has come together after several years of dissolution to unanimously pledge its support for a two EUSA president solution.

The opposing parties of Fatah and Hamas issued a joint statement this afternoon calling for two EUSA presidents to operate side by side and bring peace to Edinburgh University.

Ismail Arraft, speaker for the Palestinian Council, said: “We know that for years there’s been an ongoing dispute at Edinburgh University between the normal students and the twatty ones who want to make big grandiose statements that only serve to make them feel important. This statement can end that.

“We want these two factions to have a EUSA president each, working side by side, which is why we have released the statement today.”

Despite the gesture, some EUSA staff have said that, unbelievably, reaching a peace settlement between two sides who have been at loggerheads for decades may not be as easy as asking them to simply work alongside one another.

One source told Flipside: “The difficulty lies in the fact that both factions seem to want to claim the Potterrow office as their own – they both say that they’ve been based in the office for years, and that their members rightly see it as the home of their administrative hub.

“We’ve tried offering the twatty students the western side of the office, the bit where the Bank of Scotland used to be, but they’ve rejected it because they say it’s too close to the chaplaincy, and that this would offend their non-Christian supporters.

“And what’s more, the international office, which typically favours the twatty students, has pledged to build its main call centre right in the middle of Potterrow. It’s clear that this will cause quite a bit of tension.”

Flipside can also reveal that not all Palestinians are happy with their parliament’s statement.

One Gaza Strip resident, who asked not to be named due to the ridicule she would attract from showing an interest in British student politics told us: “Ultimately, I don’t pay my taxes to get the council to make these sorts of pointless comments.

“I want my elected officials to focus on the important stuff like getting cheap sustainable falafel at Mousa’s cafe up the road, and maybe securing ‘no search Saturdays’ at the checkpoints, as promised years ago.”

EUSA President Patrick Kilduff said he wouldn’t be commenting whilst peace negotiations were ongoing.

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