Published on September 9th, 2015 | by Flipside0
People’s man of the people Corbyn (the people’s man), calls out Blair on Iraq and EUSA on strawpedoing
In a worldwide exclusive, Flipside can reveal that it has obtained footage of Labour Leadership candidate Jeremy Corbyn calling ‘Strawpedo-Gate’ a tragedy of epic proportions, similar in scale to the Iraq war and the temporary closure of Illegal Jack’s.
The footage appears to have been secretly taken during a FreshAir news programme, a station which has often been condemned by the UN as a state-controlled propaganda piece for EUSA. In it, a bedraggled, but handsomely bearded Corbyn criticises the bourgeois governance of EUSA, claiming that the Sabbatical Officers lacked any understanding of life in the People’s Republic of Islington, and thus could not effectively represent Edinburgh University students.
This follows on from recent attempts by Corbyn to appeal to Edinburgh students by promising to move King’s Buildings 5 miles closer to Central campus and to nationalise Hive and WhyNot in order to turn them into student allotments.
However, he has generated controversy among students over his refusal to comment on whether he has shared platforms with people who have publicly denounced the Vengaboys. This has drawn immediate criticism from the Tab, who have claimed in an editorial that the lack of condemnation “is tantamount to treason”, as he has betrayed students’ “right to get drunk to cheesy music with cheap alcopops”.
When asked for a comment on this new footage, Jeremy Corbyn’s spokesperson claimed it was an evil plot by “neo-con, Blairite, war-hawks who are walking hand in hand with corporate weapons lobbyists in the pursuit of Mother Earth’s nuclear apocalypse”.
When asked whether he was being slightly melodramatic with his language, our reporter was bundled into a van and abandoned in a Ukrainian forest.