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Entertainment

Published on February 12th, 2014 | by Flipside

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Phillip Seymour Hoffman ‘Neknomination’ goes too far

On Sunday 2nd February, New York City police officers discovered the body of Oscar-winning actor Philip Seymour Hoffman surrounded by 70 bags of heroin, a pint glass and a quivering butler with a camera-phone.

Upon arrival at his Manhattan apartment, the authorities learned that Hoffman had allegedly consumed a bottle of Glens Premium Vodka, 2 bags of heroin addressed “To Phil, love Rob” and a blended phallic meat object believed to have been from the JMCC. Student tabloid ‘The Tab’ has made Hoffman’s cocktail recipe available online for future neknominations.

Although the investigation remains in the balance, media attention has drawn to the possibility of Australian fad “neck and nominate” being the key suspect. Following Tom Cruise’s ambitious attempt to drink a pint while he base jumped off the Burj Kalifah in Dubai, his nominee Philip Seymour Hoffman was always under pressure to perform on camera. On hearing of his nomination’s passing, Mr Cruise tweeted,  “Woah, Phil died. Not swell. Ah well, I guess that Xenu {the Overlord of Scientology} didn’t want him to live #scientologybitch”.

The actor’s family have also received condolences from Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. On his Official Bebo page (Accessible at: www.bebo.com/PowderPuffRob) Mr Ford posted: “Such a real shame eh about the Hoff, he always knew how to party”. DNA testing has revealed that allegations about Hoffman and Ford being dual personalities have been dismissed.

Following another neck nomination suicide, most people are furiously debating the obvious question: who will star inThe Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2?

With Paddy Power odds’ placing Michael Gambon at evens to play another dead series protagonist. After failing to secure a notable role since Albus Dumbledore, succeeding the late Richard Harris, Mr Gambon is believed to be willing to take over Hoffman’s role. Coincidentally, he is also under questioning.

 

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