Published on April 5th, 2017 | by Flipside0
Flipside exclusive: FBI confirm Russian involvement in EUSA Elections
Flipside can exclusively reveal that Russian involvement in the EUSA 2017 election has been confirmed by the FBI after an extensive investigation was accidentally CC’d to Flipside by EUSA VPSA Jess Husbands.
The report alleges that Russian agents sought to sabotage the EUSA elections by handing out free straws at the Big Cheese and changing all promotional materials into Gaelic in a desperate attempt to promote a RON campaign and stop people from voting.
Fortunately, the Russians were relying on a high turnout in the elections and so their attempts to influence the results had no impact whatsoever, as RON lost every vote and students assumed that the Gaelic on the EUSA website was due to EUSA being EUSA and promptly ignored the changes.
When approached for comment, the FBI refused to confirm or deny any of the news, but did offer our reporter a fully paid for holiday to an American coastal resort in Cuba.
Speaking to Flipside, EUSA President Alec Edgecliffe-Johnson said “Clearly this is a shocking development, and we have censored and jailed Patrick Garratt, a well-known Russian sympathiser and Paul Mason fan, as a pre-emptive measure. Looking at what to do now, we could rerun the election just to be safe, but I think Jenna would kill us. She refuses to go through that again.”
Flipside’s reporter attempted to approach Jenna Kelly for a comment, but almost lost their arm in the process.