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Published on October 17th, 2017 | by Flipside

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Poll: Brits Welcome Hurricane Ophelia More than Trump Visit

Sometime last night things got ‘seriously fucking windy’ according to the Met Office, as category 3 Hurricane Ophelia slammed into the British Isles. In light of this, the British people, though troubled, are simply grateful that it isn’t a state visit from ‘President’ Trump.

Local Paisley woman, Mrs Blowna Way commented, “Aye, Paisley isnae exactly that great anyhow, so how much damage can a wee stoem actually do us? It’s not like we haven’t seen wind and rain before. But if that ginger-wigged baw-bag comes to ma country ah’d nut the cunt intae 2018. Hurricane Ophelia you are welcome any day of the week compared to that fuckin’ bampot’.

Her points have been backed up by scientist and bet-loser, Miss Stormy Mcstormface: “Scientifically speaking, the impact of the hurricane is less damaging than a visit from Donald trump. Sure, Ophelia may knock over a few bins, but it’s not exactly going to grope countless women, quit the Paris agreement or drive us tae the brink of nuclear warfare, is it?”

Finally, England manager Gareth Southgate has asked Hurricane Ophelia if she would like to partner Harry ‘Hurricane’ Kane at the World Cup in an attempt to boost England’s otherwise futile chances. “Two hurricanes up top” he said, “now that sounds good to me”. Ophelia is said to be flattered and has always wanted another chance at the game since her childhood trials for Charlton Athletic went badly due to an ankle injury. More to follow.

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