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Published on April 21st, 2016 | by Flipside

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Queen Celebrates 90th Birthday By Accidentally Killing Wrong Prince

The Queen, today celebrating her 90th birthday, was widely expected by fans and commentators alike to kill her son and first heir, Prince Charles, as a gift to her people, so her slightly less awful grandson could take the throne. Instead, she accidentally killed the funk-innovator and tiny explosive package of sex known as Prince (formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince).

Buckingham Palace attributed this to a clerical error on Her Majesty’s behalf: apparently ‘Prince’ and ‘Prince Charles’ are right next to each other in the inventory of people The Queen can have killed in the blink of an eye, and no one thought to double check. The Queen offered her condolences to the entertainment community, but said ‘Oh come on, it’s my birthday – just think of this as a classic birthday prank.’

While the British Monarchy trundles on like an ancient, incestuous, indestructible wagon with a massive forehead, and the incorrigible bellpiece Prince Charles is still one day in line to be monarch, today devastatingly marks the end of Prince’s Purple Reign (Flipside offers zero apologies for this pun)

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