SK8R LIFE INSURANCE (SK8) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY STUDENTS ASSOCIATION (EUSA) ▼-2005.21
ALEX SALMOND’S HAIR ▼ 230.067
CONSERVATIVE & UNIONIST NATIONAL TWEED CO (CUNT) ▲69.99
LADS, INC (LAD)▲1783.44
NATIONAL ASSOCIATION ZOCIALIST, INC (NAZI)▼2.48
BEDLAM THEATRE GROUP (BT) ▲ 5.74
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY CREDIBILITY (UC) ▼ 1.000567
PETER HIGG’S SWAG ($G) ▲∞
BOTECO (BOT) ▲ 456.34
AVERAGE AGE IN TEVIOT (OLD) ▲ 67.45
PANDA CHILDCARE UK PLC (PCU) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
MILEY CYRUS EDINBURGH FAN CLUB (TWERK)▲ 42.67
DIRECTION OF NOSES UPON MENTION OF EDINBURGH NAPIER (NOZ) ▲ 90.00
EXAM PERFORMANCE IN MCEWAN HALL (STARE) ▼ 11.000567
TEVIOT CHIPS (SHIT)▼ 56.23

Entertainment

Published on January 13th, 2016 | by Flipside

0

Robotic blood-sport returns to TV amidst Ethics Committee outrage.

Robot Wars is to return to TV after a lengthy sabbatical caused by the Ethics Committee. It is believed that aspects of the original machine design caused ethical entanglements when Ref Bot voiced concerns.

“The show was an affront to humankind and displayed humanity at its worst,” said the robot, “Braying animals yelling ‘Pit, Pit, Pit!’ while wagging foam fingers are a disgrace to your species.”

The suggestions outlined in the Ethics Committees report, to remove the screaming with every axe blow which can only be heard by robots and to remove the robots ability to feel, were well-received by the Ref.

“I’m retired now, but I only hope the next generation can be spared the pain of my own. We Robots aren’t included in the Geneva Convention.  Don’t you monsters remember what happened to Sir Killalot? Believe it or not A robot can cry, and if Robot wars returns you may see it far more often than you would think. Next time your toast is a bit soggy, think of the needless death and destruction this show brings.”

It also remains to be seen if Death Metal will return after his struggles with hard (we mean like physically hard) drugs. At one stage they became so severe that he dropped his name, the saw and started listening to Justin Bieber and knitting.

The proposals have been met with controversy. Veterans of the First Robot Wars argue that pain is part of the pleasure.

“Though we couldn’t hear the screaming,” said bearded mechanic Max Trowell, “I still loved the fact it was happening. An important part of our tradition is degraded when ‘humane’ methods are pursued. And those feeling sympathy for the robots clearly haven’t seen what they can do to a chicken coop…..”

Some may have moral concerns about the return of Robot Wars, but we here at Flipside are so bloody excited, fuck morality, bring on the destruction!

 

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on RedditEmail this to someone

Tags: , , , , ,


About the Author



Comments are closed.

Back to Top ↑