Published on October 13th, 2013 | by Flipside0
Royal Male privatisation goes ahead
The controversial sell-off of the male half of Britain’s Royal Family was completed last week despite protests. Defending the sell-off, David Cameron said “the public made it clear that they wanted the Queen and Kate Middleton to stay in public ownership, but we desperately need to raise some money. We think that this is an acceptable compromise.”
From next week, everyone will need to pay in order to engage with male royals. Sample prices are as follows:
- Being waved at by Prince Edward: £10
- Cooing over Baby Prince George: £15
- Hearing a comically offensive comment from the Duke of Edinburgh: £40
- Receiving a poorly argued architectural critique from Prince Charles: £80
- Holding Baby Prince George: £50
- Harbouring delusionally out-of-date fantasies about marrying Prince William: £2 per day.
- Dodgy arms deal negotiated for you by Prince Andrew: £5000
- Changing Baby Prince George’s nappy: £100 (£150 if it’s pooey)
- Night of passion with Prince Harry: £5
The stock market flotation of these royals has delivered mixed results for the British Treasury. Princes William and George raised over 40 million pounds each, but Charles only mustered 500 thousand, whereas Edward and Andrew have so far brought in £538 between them.