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Published on December 24th, 2016 | by Flipside

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Rudolph only selected because of diversity quotas

Rudolph is only selected to be part of Santa’s sleigh team because of North Pole diversity quotas, other reindeer have claimed.

The startling statement has been made by Prancer, one of the biggest names in the iconic eight-animal team.

And whistle-blowing elves at Father Christmas’s arctic base have backed up the accusations, revealing the oft-quoted adage that Rudolph’s nose provides greater visibility to be a myth.

Disgruntled brown-nosed reindeer have bemoaned the quotas, saying that they prevent Mr Claus from picking “the best reindeer for the job.

Previously, Lapland, where sleigh squad reindeer are selected from, was almost entirely made up of native brown nose deer, but a huge influx of red noses from North America took place in the mid-twentieth century, and tension between the two groups remains high.

The scandal could not have come at a worse time for Santa, as he prepares for his biggest business night of the year this evening (Sat).

In an interview with BBC 90 degrees yesterday, Prancer said: “As a publically owned organisation, Santa’s Factory has to conform to certain rules.

“It was fine until the 1970s but then the bureaucrats down in Svalbard decided every sleigh team had to have at least one red-nosed reindeer.”

Asked for comment, Prancer was coy, adding: “At the end of the day me and the boys go out there to do a job for Santa and all the kids around the world, I don’t want to get involved in the politics.”

But elves at Santa’s North Pole base were less reserved.

One, who for the sake of his job protection remains nameless, said: “The thing about the red nose helping on a foggy Christmas Eve is a complete PR hoax.

“It never happened and it was an excuse to get Rudolph into the side.

“Santa functioned perfectly well without any red noses for centuries until the liberal elite PC squad got involved. It’s ridiculous, and I think it’s time for working reindeer to take a stand against it – I don’t care who it offends.”

At Santa’s Lapland reindeer enclosure, where the next generation of sleigh-pullers have been trained for generations, morale is low.

Farager, a local born standard brown nosed Reindeer, said diversity quotas were stopping hard working reindeer such as himself from getting into work.

He said: “A few years back, I would have fancied myself for a shot at the sleigh team, but with the new quotas there’s no chance – unless you have a red nose you’re not getting in.

“The way I see it should be Lapland jobs for Lapland reindeer.

“The red-noses, they come over here, from Canada, or wherever they’re from, and they walk straight into jobs. It’s time Santa starting looking after his own, or we’ll all start painting our noses.

“It’s just gone so far, there’s even that song, Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer. Well where’s the song about brown-nosed reindeer.”

Santa was reached for comment but his communications team said they were currently experiencing a high volume of calls.

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