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Politics

Published on January 13th, 2015 | by Flipside

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Russia creates new traffic offence of “driving whilst female”

Following on from tough new laws banning transexual and transgender people from driving in Russia, Vladimir Putin has proposed to go one step further, and ban from driving anybody who doesn’t have a penis.

Since the law against transexual drivers was brought in, Russia has received international condemnation following reports that women drivers have been ordered by traffic enforcers to leave their cars and strip, “to confirm that they were real women.”

“Unfortunately we don’t have the money to send officers on training to tell difference between pretend and real women,” explained Minister for Roads Igor Bigotov. “The only way to stop dangerous transexuals from being on our roads is to ban all women from driving.”

Defending the proposal, Bigotov pointed to research showing how, after downing a bottle of vodka, a male driver can often still move a car in a vaguely straight line, whereas a female driver will usually simply pull the car over and go to sleep.

“Sleeping in car is very dangerous in cold Russian winter,” he explained.  “Also, after hitting another car, women don’t get out and punch the other driver, they stay in the car.  Very dangerous.  Many Russian cars will explode after accident.”

“And in general, no-one should be driving on Russian roads without the ability to ram off the road any bastard who cuts you up,” he concluded.

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