Published on October 8th, 2017 | by Flipside0
Scandaless EUSA Missing the Point
The month is October and the gentle Edinburgh has settled peacefully into Autumn. Trees are shedding their leaves but not before blessing us with an array of reds, oranges and yellows. Delicate Pink hewed sunsets frequent the evening skies and make splendid silhouettes of the city’s dreaming spires. If one takes a moment to stop take it in, they may think to themselves “is this paradise?” and in that very same moment they may also think, “WHERE THE FUCK IS THE EUSA SCANDAL THESE DAYS?!”
Such thoughts are very legitimate with nearly two years of a peaceful and harmonious EUSA team, producing happy family pictures and generally doing a decent job. Many thought this had to change with the coming of a new and restructured team. But as it stands it looks like the bastards might also be semi-reasonably competent. It is boring. We don’t have a flipping clue who they are, one is called Keith maybe? Even our mole this year had a tough time identifying people with the family photo in front of her. She reported that:
“They are all just quite nice and reasonable people, which doesn’t make them dull, but it makes student politics dull for us.”
Where are the good old days of constant scandal? Gossip, internal fighting, stupid motions over stupid things, alcohol and drug abuse grotesque masochistic orgies with their egos, fighting sharks and the cold and brutal murder of seventy-two otters at the zoo on a Buckfast fuelled bender. All paid for by the student no less. None of these things happen anymore, no one has even had the courage to declare something that is totally bollocks just so we can write some average satire about it.
Times are tough, and we here at Flipside must conclude that the current EUSA team are simply missing the point of being so scandal free. Thank God we won’t have to wait long for Travers to behave like an absolute fuckwit and give us something to talk about.