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Local

Published on November 30th, 2015 | by Flipside

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Scots Boycott St. Andrew’s Day Out of Reluctance to Associate with Snobby University Town.

Following a nationwide misunderstanding about what St. Andrew’s Day actually is, a distinct lack of support for the holiday has emerged this year. Opinion polls from across Scotland indicate a universal agreement that, as a town of poshos and Englishmen (not exactly the same but pretty close according to most Scots), St. Andrews doesn’t deserve a day of celebration at all. One voter commented:

‘Why should we celebrate St. Andrews? It’s even more English than Edinburgh. The only Scottish person there was driven out during a fox-hunting expedition in 1986.’

Conducting interviews in Edinburgh, Flipside found a number of the locals to be inconsolable on the issue:

‘They don’t even have a train station because they’re worried poor people might get in—you have to get there by helicopter or the family horse and carriage.’

It has further been concluded that today should henceforth be renamed in honour of St. Glasgow, to truly represent Scottish ideals of patriotism, industrialisation and drug-addiction.

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