SK8R LIFE INSURANCE (SK8) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY STUDENTS ASSOCIATION (EUSA) ▼-2005.21
ALEX SALMOND’S HAIR ▼ 230.067
CONSERVATIVE & UNIONIST NATIONAL TWEED CO (CUNT) ▲69.99
LADS, INC (LAD)▲1783.44
NATIONAL ASSOCIATION ZOCIALIST, INC (NAZI)▼2.48
BEDLAM THEATRE GROUP (BT) ▲ 5.74
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY CREDIBILITY (UC) ▼ 1.000567
PETER HIGG’S SWAG ($G) ▲∞
BOTECO (BOT) ▲ 456.34
AVERAGE AGE IN TEVIOT (OLD) ▲ 67.45
PANDA CHILDCARE UK PLC (PCU) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
MILEY CYRUS EDINBURGH FAN CLUB (TWERK)▲ 42.67
DIRECTION OF NOSES UPON MENTION OF EDINBURGH NAPIER (NOZ) ▲ 90.00
EXAM PERFORMANCE IN MCEWAN HALL (STARE) ▼ 11.000567
TEVIOT CHIPS (SHIT)▼ 56.23

Politics

Published on December 9th, 2013 | by Flipside

0

Scottish independence ‘would be funny’

Polls amongst Edinburgh University students have shifted dramatically recently, indicating that a majority of students will vote Yes in next September’s referendum.

The change has come about due to a ‘Fuck it: it’ll be a laugh’ attitude which independence campaigners have been trying to enforce upon young people because no-one seems to care about the actual arguments posed.

It was brought to the attention of the First Minister, who has been reported to be ready to completely change his arguments in the hope that the less people know the more likely they are to throw him a vote because he looks funny.

Stan Beaveson, a third year Environmental student, said, “Is there going to be an actual referendum? I thought it was all just chat! I’ll probably vote yes because Salmond seems like a right LAD!”  When asked about what he thought would happen to the Scottish economy post-independence he answered, “Well Ireland are fucked but they seem to be quite happy about it… I mean, when was the last time you saw a sad Irish person?”

Many ‘Better Together’ campaigners have said that this attitude of a ‘banter independence’ comes from no-one understanding the arguments because of a poor feedback system at Edinburgh University. One member said: “What the hell do they teach at this uni?! No-one has a clue and you’ll ruin this country! Fuck this, I’m moving to Wales, they’ll never have the balls to go independent.”

All the discussions that have been overheard on the university campus have been similar: a balanced debate, with both sides making good points, which is then followed by, “We should just do it for a laugh,” to which all parties agree and burst out in uncontrollable hysterics.

In an exclusive interview with Flipside a Holyrood insider said: “Most MSPs are taking up the same point of view as the students. It makes First Minister’s question a nightmare because even more of them find Smug ‘Eck [aka Alex Salmond] hilarious. But he’s really a big arsehole… You’re not going to quote me on that, are you?… Shit!”

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on RedditEmail this to someone

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,


About the Author



Comments are closed.

Back to Top ↑