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Politics

Published on March 29th, 2017 | by Flipside

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“See, Nothing Has Happened! Everything Is Fine. The World Hasn’t Exactly Ended.” Claims Irate Brexiter.

As the clock struck half 12ish, the most pointless handwritten letter in human history (surely a phone call or even a longish text would have done) was delivered to Brussels thereby triggering Article 50 and launching the process of Britain sailing away from the EU and onwards to bluer skies, filled with Bluebirds and Spitfires.

In almost the exact same moment, a pro-Brexit enthusiast, Gregg Englishman, began shouting that “Everything was fine!”

When asked to calm down, as it was impossible to tell what the outcome of the process would be for months, Gregg was steadfast in his assured claims.

“See, Nothing Has Happened! Everything Is Fine. The World Hasn’t Exactly Ended.” He said. “All you Remoaners banging on about all the bad things and look, it is all ok. So shut up and let’s get on with it. NO, NO i AM NOT SHOUTING TO MASK THE FACT I AM UNSURE OF MY POSITION! GO AWAY!”

It is impossible to disagree at this exact moment nothing has happened and thus, even Remainers have found themselves in a quandary with how to challenge Gregg’s claims.

Nicola Sturgeon was compelled to say,

“He is right, the world hasn’t ended. And indeed very little has happened. I suppose we can dispute what you define as fine, but that is purely subjective.”

So there you have it. Flipside reports in agreement that everything is fine and nothing has happened.

*At the time of publication, screams and anguished cries were overshadowed only by the chaos of crashing cars and sirens outside the Flipside Headquarters (a pub)*.

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