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Published on September 16th, 2015 | by Flipside

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Seven Freshers overdose on free Pizza at Freshers Fair.

Breaking news: Seven freshers have been rushed to Edinburgh Royal Infirmary A&E in a dire condition after overdosing on free Pizza at the Edinburgh Freshers Fair today. One of the freshers apparently just couldn’t stop, unable to resist the call of the free food, they went back a record 47 times, often claiming they were getting other bits for mates and then eating them themselves.

In a classic Edinburgh student response fashion, a protest pressure group has formed to urge companies like Domino’s to stop giving out free Pizza on mass. Their spokesperson David Drummond had this to say. “I know it sounds silly, but people actually can overdose on Pizza, stop laughing! Look, we all like free things, but this has gone too far, everyone knows domino’s is basically poison, but when it is free how can we expect people not to go back for it. This is so stupid, because it isn’t like anyone has ever bought a full price Domino’s Pizza anyway.”

We tried to seek out Edinburgh University to comment on what they were going to do, but they were too difficult to find in between the massive piles of tomato sauce stained cash, we did catch a fleeting sound of “no comment”, and then the definite sound of mad money hoarding laughter.

In other news, flipside has just had a visit from Domino’s, they were scary, Edinburgh flipside is now brought to you by domino’s, click this link and a free slice of pizza will just appear on your desk (yes they are that powerful, I for one welcome our new cheesy overlords).

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