Published on September 30th, 2016 | by Flipside0
Academic Curiosity leads to condom shortage
A demand for new students to display an ‘academic curiosity’ has led to EUSA almost being bankrupted, as students use the advice place to stock up on free contraception.
According to inside sources, EUSA, which has a policy of handing out free condoms to all who ask, did not expect that the university’s new ‘academic curiosity’ initiative would lead to students taking an ‘alternative’ approach to their curiosity.
Flipside caught up with EUSA VPSA Jess Husbands, who screamed at us while fighting off several bailiffs who were trying to repossess her desk. “Oh god why didn’t we plan for any of this? When we told Freshers to be ‘adventurous’, we meant try and take an outside course that isn’t Social Policy or Business. EUSA is going to be bankrupted because we’ve given away half the condom reserves of Northern Europe”. Flipside then asked whether she meant to say that “The Association” would be bankrupted instead of EUSA. She promptly told us to “Fuck off”.
In unrelated news, Snax Café has seen profits surge yet again, this time by 122%.