Published on December 5th, 2014 | by Flipside0
Shock as the Student fails to publish a single ‘gap yah’ article
There was outcry across campus this week as the weekly edition of the Student failed to contain even a single article by a student about their gap year volunteering project, for the first time in publishing history. Statistics show a consequential decline in the Student’s readership of 7000%.
As a result of this mass exodus, The Tab saw a concurrent climb in its readership of 80%, up to a total of 7 readers.
“How am I supposed to get through the week without the heart-warming stories of jolly larks with the African orphans?” cried an anonymous second year. “I used to adore reading pages and pages of original, insightful comments about how the gap year experience is totally, like, life changing.’
Flipside interviewed a student who had recently submitted, and had rejected, a five part treatise analysing the personal transformation wrought by his gap year experience. “These editors just don’t understand, yah,” said George von Mountebank, recently returned from darkest Peru and wearing a scarf hand-knitted by orphans out of their own hair.
“Everyone wants to hear all about my totes amazeballs experience. I’m only trying to give the people what they want, this is like, such oppression of my freedom of speech.”
When Flipside confronted The Student on the issue, the editor-in-chief issued a statement: “We understand this has been a controversial change in policy. It was part of a five year plan to make the Student’s content include actual news. We realise now that this was misguided, and sincerely apologise.”
The Student has also issued a statement reassuring its readership that next week’s edition will contain a four page feature entitled ‘Why I Loved My Gap Yah: An Annotated Philosophical Memoir’ to make up for this week’s loss.