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Entertainment

Published on December 22nd, 2013 | by Flipside

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Shock result as UKIP comes 3rd in Strictly Come Dancing

BBC “unable to explain” surge in voting for far right party not among contestants.

The political world is reeling from an unexpectedly strong showing for the UK Independence Party in the vote to determine the winner of Strictly Come Dancing’s 2013 series. “We can’t explain this,” said a BBC spokesman. “You’re only supposed to be able to vote for one of the celebrities in the final.”

Triumphant UKIP leader Nigel Farage agreed. “They rig the voting every year so that only a few candidates are available, but clearly the public is fed up with the choice provided. All these candidates all ever talk about is the journey they’ve been on, how much they love their dancing partner, and how they don’t want it to end. But the public wants to hear them blaming the EU when a lift goes wrong, or making rude comments about Italians when Bruno Tonioli gives them a 3. No one is doing that. Except us.”

Farage claimed that the result proved UKIP could compete at any level, from European elections to dance-based reality TV shows, but other party leaders disagreed. “This is an isolated result, and has no bearing on what would happen in a general election,” said Tory leader David Cameron, blaming his own party’s poor showing on “a split vote between us and that posh bird off Breakfast Time.”

“This is going to mean changes for the next Strictly series,” insisted Farage. “No more weird foreign dances like Paso Doble or Cha-Cha-Cha. Instead we’ll have proper British dances like Round-The-Handbag and Drunken-Dad-At-Wedding. The Dancers will have to have proper English names and wear tweed, and Brucey will be delivering jokes about how Europeans are scroungers, women belong in the kitchen, and climate change is a lefty hoax.”

Strictly’s producer, however, has a plan to make sure UKIP doesn’t get any votes next year. “We’ve signed up Godfrey Bloom as a contestant,” she confided.

The X Factor has experienced similar problems this year, with Nick Clegg being voted off four weeks in a row, despite not being a contestant.

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