Published on November 26th, 2013 | by Flipside0
Somali pirates arrested for impersonating Edinburgh students
BREAKING NEWS – The Somali government has revealed that two pirates are being detained in custody after attempting to impersonate students from the University of Edinburgh last week.
“Our police officers realised at once that something fishy was going on when they noticed an unusually spotty and pale faced pair of pirates,” said an unnamed official. “Then it struck them – the pirates were pretending to be Scottish teenagers. The suspects were arrested immediately, because frankly their face-paint was rubbish.”
“I’m horrified that my boys would racially stereotype the Scots in this way,” commented the Pirate Captain.
Flipside journalists gained entry to the prison where the buccaneers are being detained, and were able to interview the defendants. “I dunno what’s going on,” said the first anonymous pirate, ‘There I was, swabbing the deck as usual, when suddenly these two men appeared shouting about racists. Now I’m in here. I just want to go home to me mam.”
The second pirate added, “I tried to explain to the police that I’m only looking all pale and spotty because I came down with chickenpox, but they won’t listen. I didn’t mean for us to look so white – I only infected my friend by accident, I swear.”
Flipside relayed these astonishing revelations to the officers responsible for the boys’ incarceration.
“They have chickenpox?” remarked PC Bacon, “That’s despicable. The fact that their crime was accidental makes only makes it all the more evil.” His partner, PC Hamm, added: “Not only do I expect these two wicked youngsters to be publicly vilified by the entire population, but I would go so far to say that this is the most important news story to come from our country this week.”
Meanwhile, 140 Somalis have been confirmed dead in a cyclone.