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Local

Published on February 26th, 2016 | by Flipside

0

Some fucking bellend to get library lift to first floor.

Breaking News: Outrage has spread around campus today with the revelation that some smug arsehole is going to get the library lift to the first floor, making everyone else’s lift trip at least five to ten seconds longer.

The person who intends to do this is a second year biology student and right knob. His name is Clive Clarkson or CC as “the lads” call him, prick.

Flipside managed to interview him about his fucked up moral compass and we felt like Louis Theroux when trying to work out just what made him so bloody terrible.

“Look,” said Clive, “I just don’t see what the big deal is, I am super hungover and the idea of one flight of central stairs (which will be quicker than the lift) is just too much. It was a massive one with the boys in hive last night and I just don’t think I can manage those horrible stairs. So I am going to get the lift to the first floor, and there is nothing you can do to stop me.”

Just as our writer was typing this article up news broke that Clive had been stabbed in between the ground and first floor, so it turns out something could be done to stop him. The stabber has been hailed a hero, and will be given a special parade next week. There will be cake and ecstasy and we are all invited!!!!!!!!

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