Published on November 6th, 2014 | by Flipside0
SPECTRE’s league of evil supervillains wins US mid-term elections
The American electorate has expressed its mild dissatisfaction with the performance of President Obama, by handing control of both the Senate and the House of Representatives to members of the SPECTRE party. The president will now have to spend the last two years of his presidency trying to stop members of the House and Senate from building an underground base and hatching unconvincing plans to take over nuclear weapons installations.
Newly elected senator Lex Luthor (California) is expected to become the new Senate majority leader, with his party bolstered by the election of Ernst Stavro Blofeld, The Penguin, Hannibal Lecter, Baron Greenback, Lord Voldemort, Darth Vader, Sauron, two Daleks, Sarah Palin and Mitch McConnell.
“It was a choice between a party that pushed through a poorly-thought out plan for health insurance, and one that wants to enslave the human race and slaughter millions of innocents,” said one voter leaving a polling station. “Well, I sure ain’t having no health insurance foisted on me, I tell ya.”
“Mr Obama said he was gonna save the world,” said another. “Well, six years later, and the world don’t look too saved to me. Now, when Mr Luthor says he’s gonna destroy the world, well I think, there’s a guy who can deliver on his promises.”
One disappointment for SPECTRE was the narrow defeat of Balrog the Fire Demon by democratic challenger Bobby Bland. “We think Balrog made a mistake by saying he believed in global warming,” said Luthor, “because he didn’t clarify that he was actually intending to cause some.”
However, this was balanced by the unexpected triumph of Balthazar the Baby-Eater in Texas, who gained late votes by promising to only devour the children of immigrants. “Well I ain’t too hot on baby-eating, to be honest,” said one voter, “but the other guy was supporting birth control for women, and the Lord God don’t have no doings with that.”
Back in Britain, UKIP’s Nigel Farage was inspired by SPECTRE’s victory. He has announced that UKIP candidates for the upcoming UK election will include two Death Eaters, a Ring-Wraith and Davros out of Dr Who, although he admitted disappointment that none of these were as right-wing as UKIP’s existing MEPs and councillors.