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News

Published on September 17th, 2016 | by Flipside

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Teviot prices increase due to “superiority complex”

In shocking news, EUSA has announced that the price of pints in Teviot will be going up from £2.70 to £2.90 due to Teviot developing a superiority complex over the summer.

Flipside spoke to EUSA VPS Jenna Kelly who said that “Unfortunately Teviot is going through a phase where it suddenly thinks that its better than everyone else. We’ve been chatting to some experts and they think Teviot is jealous because all the other buildings are getting new upgrades and it needs to compensate somehow. Also, Teviot’s apparently been reading a lot of Jack Kerouac and Sylvia Plath over the summer, so it’s a bit full of itself at the moment. As a result, we’ve had no choice but to bow down to its demands and put our prices up again”.

When Flipside pointed out to Kelly that Teviot Row House is an inanimate building and isn’t able to speak, she shuddered, whispering “If only you knew” before running off into the darkness.

Attempts to seek opinions on the subject from new students were somewhat lacklustre due to the legion of passed out students between South Clerk Street and Pollock Halls

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