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Commentary

Published on April 15th, 2017 | by Flipside

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Student, 22, Whose Mother Pays His Full Rent, Is Pissed She Didn’t Get Him a Easter Egg This Year

 

Jason Williams, a 3rd year Economic student hailing from leafy Norwich has eggspressed severe Easter disappointment at his mother’s increasingly negligent attitude towards him. An example of this is shown in this years Easter celebrations, and the unacceptable lack of chocolate Easter Eggs, which are commonly accompanied by other Easter themed chocolates and treats, such as small rabbits and chicks and is generally very cute.

 

Williams traditionally receives a Thornton’s embellished Easter egg from his mother Sylvia, whom he responds to via text roughly once every three weeks. Sylvia’s other contributions to Williams’s life include paying for his recent trip to charity Cambodia to fuck up the construction of a local school, and his clarinet lessons for ten years. However, for the obnoxiously atheist Williams, all this fades into insignificance in light of her recent chocolaty neglect.

 

Williams has suffered, ‘I mean, I know my mum helps me out a bit, but for fucks sake, she knows I’m mega stressed, where the fuckery is my Egg. I’ll even accept a Lindt one over a Thornton’s at this rate. I know it won’t be the same if it doesn’t have my name on it, but I’m an adult and I understand compromise. That’s why I’m probably going to accidentally become prime minister one day. I mean I don’t believe in God or anything, but I believe that Jesus was definitely alive at some point and he was an ok guy who would like it my mother could show me she actually loves me for once. Bitch.’

 

Sylvia had this to say ‘I honestly thought that Jason wouldn’t have fancied an Easter egg this year. I complained that he had to open the door to open it for the postman because the egg was too big last year. He also said the calligraphy at Thornton’s had gone down hill. I’m sure I can pick him up a little something if it’s really upsetting him though’

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