Published on January 31st, 2016 | by Flipside0
Student claims 100% mark for essay “destroyed by washing machine”
A University of Edinburgh student has become locked in a dispute with the Department of English after claiming that he deserves a near-perfect mark for an essay that was unfortunately destroyed by one of the Pollock Halls laundry facilities before he could hand it in.
“It was a perfect essay. The best Edinburgh University has ever seen, or will ever see,” said 2nd year student Arthur Pramelot. “It was accurate in every detail, and contained the sort of powerful insights that even senior academic staff could only dream about. It’s tragic that I left it in the back pocket of my jeans when I put them to wash.”
The English department confirmed that Mr Pramelot had indeed handed in what a spokeswomen described as “a mass of sodden white stuff that might once have been paper, but to be honest looked a lot more like toilet tissue.” The ‘essay’, such as it was, was given a score of zero, but Mr Pramelot is now challenging the mark.
“I think it’s disgraceful,” said Pramelot. I make one small mistake with a laundry machine and lose 100% of my mark. They didn’t even give me any feedback! Not a word! They say greatness is never appreciated during a person’s lifetime, and now I know it is true!”
The English Department were unsympathetic, however. “It’s a very suspicious that this incident happened on a day when the news was full of stories about someone claiming that their winning lottery ticket had been destroyed in the wash. Plus, students don’t normally write their essays on toilet paper. Also, we find it hard to believe that a male student is doing his own laundry, instead of sending it home to his mum every week.”