Published on February 29th, 2016 | by Flipside0
Student left to protest student left for invasion of safe spaces
In news that has garnered little controversy or even attention from the majority of the student population, the University of Edinburgh’s Student Left has announced that it is going to hold a protest against themselves over their violation and invasion of students’ safe spaces.
Deputy Supreme Commisar of the EUSA Politburo Alex ‘Wellbeing’ Baroque-Harrow spoke to Flipside over the Student Left’s newest campaign, saying “Well after our protest against the French society’s decision to serve spinach quiche instead of Co-Op brand hummus, we all had a Damascene realisation that shouting and screaming obscenities at fellow students over minor issues is a bit threatening and sort of impedes students’ rights to meet and hold a debate in a safe space.
“We’re also anti-war, so our philosophy dictates that invasion is automatically evil and should be condemned. Well, unless Russia is doing it of course.”
“At the moment, our plan is to march from Chancellor’s Court to Kilimanjaro, stop in for a cheeky soy latte before then heading to Potterow and Teviot to shout at the EUSA Sabbs for not condemning us sufficiently”.
Following his statement, Baroque-Harrow was swiftly reprimanded for mentioning Syria without condemning the Labour Party by his comrades, and was subsequently shot behind the bike sheds next to George Square.
Attempts to ask the student population about the upcoming protest led to miserable results, as no-one knew or cared who they were, while the EUSA Sabbatical officers released a statement asking them not to do it on Wednesday, due to their “post-Hive hangovers”.