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Politics

Published on October 11th, 2013 | by Flipside

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Student Loans Company steps in to save USA

BREAKING NEWS: The Student Loans Company is to lend the USA $200 billion.

Earlier today the SLC signed the historic deal with President Obama, who gave the following statement:

‘Today we have been saved by the Student Loans Company. With this $200 Billion loan we can keep the world’s largest economy ticking and continue with our arts degree.

Being an only child, and having left our mother country at a young age, we have been granted the highest maintenance loan possible. Also, we said we had a household income of under £9k, although it’s $15 trillion.

We will only have to pay this back when we, the self-proclaimed ‘greatest country’ and ‘leader of the free world’, have “grown the-fuck-up”.’

The Student Loans Company have said that the USA will have to begin paying its loan back when it earns over £24,000 per annum, but with a current budget deficit of $642 billion, it is unlikely that repayments will start before the 30 year deadline.

The SLC is now the USA’s 4th largest creditor, just behind the United Kingdom. Another SLC deal on the table is the upcoming bailout of EUSA at the end of the year.

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