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Entertainment

Published on November 14th, 2017 | by Flipside

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Student Turns into Pile of Jumpers

Following the falling temperatures and light levels that bless Edinburgh seasonally, a tragedy of Christmas proportions hath befallen one sociology student, formally resident of Marchmont.

 

In an attempt to keep the bitter winds at bay, young Melanie Saunders had been piling on jumper after jumper, going absolutely mental over knitwear. The woolen, polyester, cotton and even cashmere garment however could do little to protect her vulnerable southern body; and as she cried ‘I want to be a knitted onion!’ She disappeared. Although the layers of jumpers were peeled off my some heroic firemen, she was not to be see, having been consumed by the concept of knitwear.

 

Melanie’s flat mate, Tom, said this ‘I’m from Huddersfield so the cold hasn’t been hurting me quite so bad, but poor Melanie’s from Kent and was born in a balmy July. I told her to just wear a blanket and crouch by a radiator like any other sensible person, but alas, she was pulled by the snugness of a collar. She was so looking forward to Zara’s black Friday knitwear deals, she was taken before her time. ‘

 

What can we expect in the coming wintery months? And how far can one jumper?

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