SK8R LIFE INSURANCE (SK8) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY STUDENTS ASSOCIATION (EUSA) ▼-2005.21
ALEX SALMOND’S HAIR ▼ 230.067
CONSERVATIVE & UNIONIST NATIONAL TWEED CO (CUNT) ▲69.99
LADS, INC (LAD)▲1783.44
NATIONAL ASSOCIATION ZOCIALIST, INC (NAZI)▼2.48
BEDLAM THEATRE GROUP (BT) ▲ 5.74
EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY CREDIBILITY (UC) ▼ 1.000567
PETER HIGG’S SWAG ($G) ▲∞
BOTECO (BOT) ▲ 456.34
AVERAGE AGE IN TEVIOT (OLD) ▲ 67.45
PANDA CHILDCARE UK PLC (PCU) ✖ STOCK SUSPENDED
MILEY CYRUS EDINBURGH FAN CLUB (TWERK)▲ 42.67
DIRECTION OF NOSES UPON MENTION OF EDINBURGH NAPIER (NOZ) ▲ 90.00
EXAM PERFORMANCE IN MCEWAN HALL (STARE) ▼ 11.000567
TEVIOT CHIPS (SHIT)▼ 56.23

Commentary

Published on November 18th, 2015 | by Flipside

0

Student Wearing Gym Clothes Admits Not Actually Planning On Going To The Gym

A shock revelation was made today, when a third-year student admitted that despite appearances, he was not actually planning on attending the gym that day.

Cal, or the Beast as he is (isn’t) known by his friends, said ‘I don’t see what the fuss is all about. The reason why I wear my gear is just in case I feel a wave of inspiration wash over me, and I think damn, today might be the day I use my £109 membership. Failure to prepare is preparing to fail, in this case it means I always have to be in my gym kit because unay is all about that life.’

Flipside can reveal that this revelation by Cal is just the tip of the iceberg. 70% of the chain smokers outside the library admitted that they would not be attending the gym today despite predominately adorning Adidas trackies circa 1990. 95% those interviewed at the CSE agreed that if the gym were to remove mirrors from the establishment, they would not attend. Taylor Fortside, a regular gym goer said ‘Without mirrors I could not check out my gains, and then everything would be pointless’

This news comes just weeks after Total Wipeout was taken off of University gym televisions. The CSE reported a slight dip in attendance after Wipeout’s removal. The CSE’s manager justified this decision by saying ‘Allowing Total Wipeout to be played in the gym led to destructive behaviour. It was directly linked to gym-users using gym mats as slides down the stairs and trying to assemble the treadmills in a line to imitate a Wipeout route. This kind of behaviour will not be tolerated.’

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on RedditEmail this to someone

Tags: , , , , ,


About the Author



Comments are closed.

Back to Top ↑