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Commentary

Published on November 10th, 2015 | by Flipside

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Study finds ‘Essay season’ is ‘basically just the whole semester’

A study by school conveners at the University of Edinburgh has found that the ‘essay season’ referred to by students to excuse their tiredness and general lethargy towards social activities, is actually, ‘basically just the whole semester’.

“We found there were quite a lot of class essays due in weeks 3 and 4, followed by a ‘term essay’ in about week 7 or 8, then usually a take home project or exam in week 11. When you factor in time to complete the essays, it’s basically just the whole semester, maybe bar Monday of week 1.” said Graham Geek, the university’s Convenor of Convenors. “Obviously for fourth year students, the dissertation fills any of the ‘non essay season’ time.”

“A short etymology search has led us to conclude the phrase originated in the 1996-97 academic session, when a student said he didn’t want to go on the second of the Tea and Beverage Society’s bi-semesterly bar crawl. He blamed his non-attendance on ‘damn essay season’ and everybody bought it.”

Since then, the study shows that ‘essay season’ has become the go-to excuse for anti-social and all round introverted students across campus, particularly if their mark is sitting anywhere between 66 and 69, and they can claim that they “really need to pull it up to a first.”

“My advice to those students is to just “fuck it” and go to Hive. You probably won’t get that first anyway, and a year into your graduate scheme at Deloitte, you quite frankly won’t care” said Geek. “You won’t even be able to use essay season as an excuse then either.

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