Published on September 18th, 2016 | by Flipside0
Trump’s doctor receives unrelated pay rise
Trump’s alleged doctor has received a pay rise that is completely unrelated to a letter in which he proclaims that Trump is in ‘excellent health’. Dr Harold Bornstein has been gifted by Trump’s office with a hefty $10bn, an island in the Bahamas and the choice of any former Miss Universe winners.
The supposed doctor said that although Trump is overweight, fails to do regular exercise and is a complete imbecile, he is in an excellent physical and mental state.
It goes without saying that such a morally sound character like Trump could not have written this letter and pretended it was written by an actual doctor.
The alleged doctor also claimed that Trump, if elected, would be the healthiest president yet. To verify this claim people have called for an arm wrestling competition between Trump and Barack Obama.
Despite being pictured drinking alcohol on no less than 100 public occasions in the past few weeks, the doctor said that Trump does not consume alcohol. Instead Trump chooses to inject alcohol straight into his hair follicles to keep his locks luscious.
Let his haziness over Trump’s health be bad news though. Americans be able to sleep better at night in the knowledge that bastards like Trump, i.e. the Bush family, have a habit of not dying young.