Published on June 7th, 2017 | by Flipside0
Jenna Kelly to star in next Star Wars movie
In a shocking turn of events, it has been announced that EUSA VPS Jenna Kelly will be starring in the eighth film in the Star Wars series The Last Jedi as Empire Commander Raka Garratt. Not including the #EUSAWins video series, this will be Jenna’s first film role under the tuition of premier acting coach Jonny Choo-Choo-Tatum.
When asked by our Flipside reporter how she managed to secure the part, Jenna winked at our reporter before saying “It’s because I’m just so out of this world. Didn’t you guys know?”. With that, Jenna flicked her hair, snapped her fingers, and strode out of Potterow, head held high.
Director Rhian Johnson was slightly more blunt about the casting decision. Johnson claimed, “Well actually we were considering a more well-known and esteemed actor such as Jeremy Irons, Keith David or Jessica Chastain, but Jenna really stood out from the crowd. Actually that’s an understatement. We were having a script meeting and then she stormed into the building and threatened to read us the entire EUSA sustainability policy. After the first 5 minutes, we had no choice but to give her whatever she wanted”.
A EUSA spokesperson said that “This has been the best news in years. Hopefully it will help us settle a bet that we’ve had about Star Wars. We think that in The Phantom Menace, Jar Jar Binks is saying ‘EUSA’ instead of ‘Yousa’ like a racist stereotype. If it turns that out we’re right, we can sue George Lucas and solve our financial crisis and reduce the price of pints”.
On a side note, if either of Jenna’s parents are reading this, please note that Jenna stole my lunch money between the ages of 7 and 18. I would really appreciate it if you gave her a talking to.