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Entertainment

Published on November 22nd, 2013 | by Flipside

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The Student uses eugenics for superior journalism

BREAKING – Flipside can exclusively reveal that The Student has secretly used eugenics to create superior journalism.

Tyler Durden, spokesman for a student newspaper that wished not to be named, said, “Our journalists have a superior work ethnic [sic].”

Documents received by Flipside show that the practice has been going on at the newspaper’s Pleasance chambers for almost 127 years. Comparisons can be drawn to the Hacking Scandal, which saw journalists at several national newspapers attacked for being bad journalists.

These revelations follow a Fresh Air radio interview last month in which Dan Teapot Swott, former Editor-in-Chief of The Student, fiercely defended bad journalism. 

It is unclear whether a reactionary motion for an increased presence of bad journalism at The Student will be put forward at the next EUSA council meeting, although it probably will.

George Cruickshank, a third year studying Somali with Pirate Law said, “This is exactly the kind of thing we expect from a newspaper with a transphobic editor like Saniel W. Dwain.” When reminded that Dwain stepped down as editor 128 years ago, he ran away.

Asked to comment, EUSA President Hugh Murdoch said, “I hope the Silly Walks Society don’t kick off.”

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