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Commentary

Published on May 6th, 2017 | by Flipside

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Theresa May Announces Plans To Review Child Labour Laws and ‘Get Them Back Up Those Chimneys

Hoping to appeal to the general populace, who under increasing cuts and inflation damaging the cost of life, Theresa May has come up with a solution which should inject a invigorating dose of youth into the workplace: 12 year old children. A work force which has been described as ‘untapped’ for many years, these young, young adults are often a financial strain on parents, eating food and being generally hormonal, these 12+ youths have enough energy to do the jobs that adults don’t want to do, and immigrants won’t be able to once May tries to deport them.

 

Looking to go back to the strong and stable Victorian era, it is hoped that as well as bringing a certain breath of fresh air to the workplace, the new labour laws will also inspire children to ‘pull themselves up by their bootstraps’ and not expect much from the government in the future, and definitely not ever imagine that tuition fees are going down or they’re going to own their own chimney.

 

A government official, said this ‘we want our youths to be ambitious, to be strive, to reach, and to grow. Many families would appreciate another income input in their home, we Conservatives want to provide that. We represent hard working ordinary people, just like these children. They deserve the right to work, and frankly I don’t fucking see why the NHS should have to fund their vaccines if they’re not even going to try to pay tax’

 

Theresa May commented ‘This will make our country strong and stable. Children have small and tender fingers, hopefully they can build the robots that we’re going to use to replace their parents jobs’

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