Theresa May Announces Plans To Take Britain Back To The Seventies, With Zero Grooving

Following the roller coaster ride that has been this election news cycle over the past 24 hours, its emerged that following Corbyns supposed scheme to fling Britain into the 70’s with all his groovy socialism, Theresa May has brokered a deal between the Conservative Party and the DUP (a party that no one had ever heard of before now) also supporting supporting a theme of throwback politics, and illustrating that the Conservative really do have no moral consistency apart from to their dedication to their distant and emotionally withholding fathers.

DUP have embraced this new theme of 70’s throwback policies in a rich variety of ways. Firstly, for them climate change isn’t really a thing (this also means they have a terrible taste in TV and have obviously never watched Planet Earth, if they’re not a fan of David Attenborough I’m never going to be a fan of them).

The homophobia and stance on abortion rights meets the attitude of a bitter old man who still wishes the 60’s didn’t happen, mainly because when it was happening they have enough self-esteem to have any fun.

A Conservative MP, who managed to cling on to his seat last night said, ‘I know that we criticised Jeremy for the whole 70’s thing a bit ago, but I actually think he was on to a good thing, I mean, we didn’t have so called ‘Human Rights’ then.