Published on September 25th, 2016 | by Flipside0
Fresher tries buying alcohol after 10pm, causes riot
City of Edinburgh maintenance and cleaning staff are currently working overtime after an agitated fresher attempted to buy alcohol after the 10pm deadline.
According to eyewitness reports, a student became angry and confused after staff refused to let him prove how much of a “lad” he was by buying a 4 pack of Stella. Following the initial confrontation, staff at the JMCC shop in Pollock Halls had to barricade the doors in order to prevent a mob of students breaking into the shop in an attempt to buy alcohol after the 10pm deadline. While some freshers were angry about not being able to buy alcohol, several hundred joined in, having mistaken it for queue for The Big Cheese.
Following the battle last night, traumatised Freshers decorated Pollock Halls this morning, with some suffering shock at what they witnessed “Why would they do this to us? They never warned us about the 10pm rule in the welcome packs, how the hell are we supposed to survive the next four years?”. Among the casualties were several Freshers who had attempted to go to Hive sober.
Flipside spoke to EUSA President Alec ‘Edgie’ Johnson who said “While obviously we don’t condone student drinking, we’d advocate everyone coming to Teviot and spend money at one of its 5 bars. You won’t be able to get near any of the bars due to the massive queues and the Quidditch Society, but it’s the thought that counts.”
In recent news, Snax Café have seen a 176% surge in profit over the last two days.