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Commentary

Published on August 27th, 2013 | by Flipside

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“This may be the largest space one has ever been offered in which to input one’s opinion – Twitter does have its limitations” by Katie Hopkins

To make doubly sure that I am considered within the bounds of Great Britain’s Middle Class, one has beleaguered one’s Twitter count with multiple references to shopping in Marks and Spencer’s food department. One worries, however, that if one does not maintain this façade of unruly snobbishness, one may cease to be considered a ‘Social Commentator’ any longer, and if the revenue earned from such a position were to terminate, one may have to cut back on the Hunter wellingtons and Barbour jackets, and begin shopping at – shudder – Sainsbury’s. One does, however, also list “The only candidate to say “No” to Sir Alan” on one’s self-designed twitter resume, but one recognises that this will not bring in income forever. (It fills up a large quantity of one’s 180 characters, though; preventing one from having to find an alternate profession. Incidentally, Working Class positions can be recognised by their mono-wording, such as ‘Teacher’ or ‘Doctor’, hence why one lists one’s professions as ‘Business Operator’ and ‘TV Personality’ – much more appropriate for one’s social status).

To admit that one truly believes one’s own diatribe would be confessing to hypocrisy. One shall simply have to claim that one foolishly allowed one’s own husband to name India a decade ago, and live with the consequences. This may dent one’s feminist image, but such a loss is less incremental than the potential damage to one’s conceited reputation. Twitter is the new school playground, and one has no intention of losing one’s dinner money to Tyler or Chardonnay. Yes, it’s truly hurtful when one googles oneself and returns the result “Is Katie Hopkins the most hated person on TV?” but hatefulness generates income and – more to the point – I am still on TV.

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