Published on April 28th, 2016 | by Flipside0
‘To Be Honest, Most People Never Really Liked Us’, Admit Jews
As members of the both the left and right of the British political spectrum continue to do and say things that don’t really appeal to most Jews, the Jewish community finally spoke out, admitting that throughout history, people never really ‘got’ them.
‘Seriously, all over the world and for thousands of years people have ripped on the Jews. We’re nerdy, hairy, irritatingly successful and with a genetic tendency towards gastro-intestinal disorders. We eat weird food and have weird customs, and wear those silly little hats – what’s not to hate? We don’t even blame everyone else, we might just be naturally repugnant, who knows. Thing is, we’re pretty persistent, so just say whatever you want really, we’ll probably survive it,’ the Jews announced.
‘Guys, listen. We’ve been enslaved, we’ve been persecuted, we’ve been through a genocide. And you think Ken Fucking Livingstone is the big issue? Oh no, two years ago some knob called Naz Shah shared some stupid shit about Israel on facebook, we’re really quaking in our fucking boots now!’
‘Calm down, fetch me some chicken soup and we’ll all watch Annie Hall together.’
‘Rest assured,’ the Jews concluded, ‘We will outlive you all.’