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Commentary

Published on November 28th, 2016 | by Flipside

0

Top 5 Ways to Improve Your End-of-Term Essay

 

 

  • Start early to avoid the crowds

The early bird catches the worm (or the solidly average 2:1 in Philosophy & Theology)! Who wants the drama of the 13:58 rush to the submission box? Starting your essay early can make all the difference when it comes to those crucial percentages, and avoiding the inevitable bloodbath on Deadline Day (though depending on your marker, a show of primeval strength may be advantageous – the Literature department look particularly easy to intimidate).

For extra marks: Why not write your essay before the questions are released? Markers are bound to be impressed by your pre-emptive instincts – divination baby!

 

  • Believe in yourself!

Giving yourself words of encouragement throughout the day (be it in the mirror, in the bath, on the bus) can help to build self-confidence, which in turn has a beneficial effect on your writing. Friends and flatmates may be alarmed at first, but they will come to see the wisdom of your actions as you desperately try anything to transform that 57 into a 59. (Or they may have you sectioned – either way, that deadline won’t be bothering you anymore).

 

  • Draw attention to important points in your argument

BY WRITING EXCLUSIVELY IN CAPITAL LETTERS. IF THE MARKER ISN’T GETTING IT, TRY HOLDING THEIR FACE TO THE PAPER UNTIL THEY FULLY APPRECIATE YOUR UNIQUE INSIGHT INTO THE NUANCES OF DOCTOR FRANKENSTEIN’S REPRESSED SEXUALITY.

 

  • Try a change of format

Set yourself apart from boring old Times New Roman double-spaced print out by scrawling your essay all over your naked body and posting yourself into the submission box. Go the extra mile by thinking outside the box (from the inside)! No marker could doubt your dedication, and will welcome the daring change of format when they’re correcting the syntax of your armpit.*

 

  • Finish with style

If you’re worried you may not have fully answered the question, this can all be remedied in your conclusion where you can set your essay on fire – literally! Nothing gets attention like a smoke alarm and hot white flames. The scene is bound to distract the marker from any small digressions from the question you may have made, and it may even allow you to apply for those all-important Special Circumstances (see the end of TopTip™ No. 2).

 

All in all, try not to panic. The most important thing is to do at least a little bit better than your coursemates so you can bear to look at them every day without beginning a life of low-key alcoholism in the face of your undeniable inadequacy. After all, you can always tell your mum you got a First – she won’t find out until graduation.

 

*Edinburgh Flipside is not responsible for intimate relations that develop as the result of this TopTip™ (but go get em, tiger).

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