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Sports

Published on December 16th, 2013 | by Flipside

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Tottenham write apology letter to Liverpool after 5-0 thrashing

In accordance with FIFA apology rules, Tottenham Hotspur have written an apology letter on Facebook following their humiliating 5-0 defeat at home to Liverpool.

The apology rules were introduced at the start of the season following their successful implementation in video gaming. As of August 2013 the rules clearly state that any scoreline deficit of five goals or more requires the manager of the defeated team to write an apology praising the brilliance of their opponents with an accompanying explanation of their teams total inadequacy. The new rules mean that no team should have to make a 200 mile journey to an away match only to waste 90 minutes of their time in the rain teaching the other team how to score prolifically without a formal apology from their defeated opponents.

This is not the first time this season that Tottenham have had to write an apology. Following their 6-0 humbling at the hands of Manchester City earlier in the year, many commentators hoped that would be the last we would see of Tottenham manager André Villas-Boas’ penmanship this season. Fortunately for everyone that loves an open attacking game of football in the most exciting league in the world, as well as for all those who simply love a good letter, it was not.

Many have, however, been quick to note that Totteham’s apology the second time around is somewhat half-hearted with a lack of sincerity throughout and no mention of John Flanagan’s goal in the 75th minute which puts him level on goals with Nicklas Bendtner this season. A spokesman for Tottenham has defended the club stating they weren’t entirely sure who he was and therefore felt he did not merit a mention in the apology, or to be marked during the match.

In light of the sacking of Tottenham’s manager this morning, Flipside can confirm that the apology letter written to Liverpool last night following their 5-0 defeat will indeed be AVB’s last. Unless of course he takes the vacant managerial role at West Brom in which case we can expect many more from him in the near future.

Following the success of the apology rule, the FA is now looking to incorporate other online video game rules into next season’s Premier League. FIFA drinking rules which would involve managers drinking 3 fingers for every conceded corner and booking picked up during the match is just one of many suggestions up for serious consideration.

In a related story, Liverpool defender Glen Johnson, in the delirium of victory, tweeted, “Great result. Not many teams will do them at White Hart Lane. Total soccer.” It is still unclear why the England right-back referred to the sport as soccer but, as Alan Hansen pointed out later on Match of the Day, Johnson most probably meant to write “Totale Krieg,” with the fault attributed to auto correct.

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