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Published on December 10th, 2015 | by Flipside

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Trump Pledges To Strip Scotland Of Independence And Turn It Into A Giant Golf Course .

In recent weeks, Donald Trump has seen a backlash against his outlandish personality and offensive remarks. In Scotland, this has led to Trump being stripped of his honorary degree from Robert Gordons University and being given a right good telling off by wee Nicola.

In response Trump has pledged to strip Scotland of its independence, if he comes to power.

“Look,” Trump said, “Donald J Trump is a pretty smart guy. He knows how to make things go wrong for those who don’t support him. That honorary degree from RGU was one of the proudest achievements of my life. I will fight back, if I gain power I pledge to strip Scotland of its independence and make it one giant golf course.”

“I will use the entire U.S military to do this; we have a lot of bombs. I mean a lot. If the Queen of Scotland, Nicola Sturgeon, thinks she has a lot of bombs, then I, Donald Trump, have more. I will do something that has never been done before and build a really big wall across the England-Scotland border, because I, Donald J Trump, can. I have seen your favourite movie Braveheart, and let me tell you something, that Mel Gibson has some great ideas, but it doesn’t mean your country is great. All you SNP voters are hippy terrorist sympathisers! I Donald Trump am great, and I will show you all. Just because you have White Walkers up there doesn’t mean I can’t nuke them!”

Politicians and political commentators alike have struggled to respond, knowing that Trump won’t actually understand the nuanced situation which ties Scotland to the UK. So, with Trump’s election to power drawing inexorably nearer, we here at Flipside welcome our new wig wearing overlord. All hail Donald J Trump. King of the North.

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