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Commentary

Published on November 24th, 2015 | by Flipside

0

Turkey attacks Russia: America Celebrates Thanksgiving Early

After the incident between Turkey and Russia, Americans everywhere have decided to celebrate their annual food-gorging holiday a few days early. Many Americans have interpreted the casualty as a sign that God loves the USA and hates their ruskie enemies, and have moved their tradition up to today. Flipside visited the homes of several presidential candidates and asked what their thoughts were on the news of the imminent World War III.

‘Honestly I was baffled by the headline, ‘Turkey kills Russians’. Was this our fault? Have we angered the Turkeys?’ – Ted Cruz.

‘I thought the  annual pardon of the turkey would spare the violence, but clearly this is not enough.’ – Ben Carson.

‘YEEEHAAAA!!’ – Jeb Bush.

‘Get out of my home.’ – President Obama.

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