Published on October 27th, 2015 | by Flipside0
UK Government Endorses Evil
Evil made waves at the House of Commons today after the UK government awoke from years of feigned humanitarian slumber to publicly announce that the policy would be implemented nation wide. The words, “evil votes for evil voters”,
Part of a significant ‘root and stem’ review of how the government can best pursue its interests, Evil is believed to “streamline” objectives across all cabinet departments. The decision to openly commit to the policy was made by politicians after a fierce debate in the House of Commons with 312 backing Evil and 270 against, agreeing that being good was “a massive hassle”.
A shadowy figure demanding to be known by the name Mr. Coughs-Without-Covering-His-Hands was quick to respond: “This will open the UK to so much more business opportunity by cutting all the red tape and, finally, fulling endorsing the Evil sector. A dreadfully inspiring show.
“For years we have toiled in darkness, learning to live with it – even enjoy it – like rock cress. But now we shall make ourselves known!”
Mr. Coughs-Without-Covering-His-Hands refused to go into details, claiming he was the “real deal” and “no old school Bond villain”. Other villainous figures have reported that they are thinking about retiring, due to their “fundamental anti-establishment approach to life”. Critics have been quick to attack the policy change.
“For years we’ve been operating smoothly,” said Mal Masiva, “We’re grateful for this endorsement, but it’s utterly unnecessary in the broader scale of our activities and might even be unhelpful.
“I prefer discretion, as do my clients, so will probably continue selling landmines to dictators on the sly as before. If the government starts competing in greater bulk though, I may lose contracts.”
The government has yet to reveal what it intends to do now that the vote has passed. Insurance providers reported a twentyfold uptake overnight.