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Published on March 4th, 2015 | by Flipside

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UN convenes emergency summit to avoid war over colour of “that dress”

Leaders of major world countries will gather today in Washington for last ditch talks to solve what some are calling the gravest international crisis since the outbreak of World War Two. But with leaders said to be poles apart concerning the colour of “that dress”, there is little optimism that any deal will be reached. What began as a simple conversation on social media about the colour of one clothing item could conclude with the end of human civilisation.

The crisis began as a purely European disagreement, with its seeds among the Greek electorate. German leader Angela Merkel made it very clear that the dress was pale blue, and that anyone expecting financial help from Germany and the EU had better agree with her. But Greek voters, sick of being told what to do by other countries, responded by electing a radical leader who proudly proclaimed that the dress was orange, putting the country on a collision course with Germany. 

Negotiators have managed to secure a four-month truce to agree terms, but with neither leader willing to budge on the colour of the dress, a Greek EU exit is looking increasingly likely. The crisis within  the EU also looks set to expand, with Spanish opinion polls pointing to the dress being yellow and unconfirmed reports that Nigel Farage is touring EU countries to tell them that The Dress is in fact a fetching shade of violet.

In recent weeks, however, the crisis has suddenly become global.  Vladimir Putin declared the dress to be pink, and promised that Russia would put all of its might behind defending the interests of any minorities who shared that view. Merkel responded by promising that any who agreed that the dress was blue would receive the full backing of the EU. As a result, several former Soviet states are teetering on the brink of civil war.

America has thus far been unable to intervene, because while the Obama administration firmly believes that the dress is maroon, the Republican-controlled senate insists that it is white with green polka-dots. Meanwhile Canada’s PM Stephen Harper says that the dress is whatever colour the oil industry says it is.

However, a possible solution to the crisis has come from the most unlikely source imaginable, with Sarah Palin making what is widely regarded to be her first ever sensible suggestion about anything: “can’t we just blow the dress up and be done with it?”

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