Published on August 29th, 2013 | by Flipside0
University Halls distinctive smell revealed to be false hope
POLLOCK HALLS — The distinctive smell in university accommodation has finally been identified by a keen team of cleaners, biologists and cognitive psychologists at the University of Edinburgh. Team Snozzle, the action group set up using the University’s ludicrous amounts of money, made the discovery late last night, working away in a Pollock Halls pantry whilst some summer school students tried to play FIFA.
It has been found that the parts of the psyche that produce optimistic, but unrealistic hope, leave the body and dwell in the walls of buildings, and that this happens in particular abundance to Freshers during their first year of university. These elements of the psyche produce a smell not unlike stale bread and rotting laundry mixed with white lightning.
Sarah Brader, a psychologist and member of Team Snozzle, described the process. “Many students come to University believing they’re going to change the world, write a novel, fall in love, move up the social ladder, or maybe even learn something at University, but very quickly they realise none of these things will ever really happen. The more delusional expect university to be like Oxford or Cambridge in the 1920s. The rooms inhabited by these poor souls absolutely reek of the stuff.”
Previous studies had believed that the smell was due to the copious amounts of sex and drugs that students were indulging in. However, this was due to an overwhelming reliance upon American Pie films as background reading materials.
The University of Edinburgh issued a statement which we couldn’t be bothered to report on.